Not much to report, but just thought I need to mention it.

Had quite a difficult session. Had a very bad Monday and Tuesday (issues with boyfriend), then things calmed down and I've been getting more and more hypomanic.

So, I felt a bit spaced out. Even in t. For once it was just my logical mind talking. I felt very distant from it all, but it was OK. Then right at the end, there was this silence. And I hate the silence because I always get so emotional.
Oh, and then THE look from T (like she's waiting for me to say something, but at the same time it's very honest and caring)

Well, it felt like a complete tidal wave hit me. My body started to tingle, I could feel my core temperature rise, background noises were seeming more distant. I nearly broke down then and there - it's the closest I've ever been in therapy. Almost felt like a panic attack stalking up on me. it was strange, felt very physical.
It was strange that this happened when I was as hypomanic as I was.
T said she felt very disconnected - I think I agree, but I'm not sure. Yes, I think I was experiencing depersonalisation. It was easier to talk that way. But nothing felt real, like it wasn't my life I was talking about.
I was very superficial about my observations, needs and feelings.
So we sat there in silence for about 3 minutes while I was battling with myself.

What brought it on? T had started talking about me needing to self-soothe. And I said I know that's where I need to be, but I just can't do it now, and I consider it a weakness.
I'm not sure why the emotions were so strong.
At the end, she asked me: Is there anything you need right now? Wow - caught me off-guard. I just said no, because I had no idea what else to do...

Heavy
Somewhat confused, but not upset...