This is a bit harsh.The shreds of truth are easily dismissible because the delivery is coming from a place of exasperation. Do you know in therapy when addressing an abuser you have to let them play a victum role FIRST. You have to validate their feelings before you can move on to actual accountability, understanding power and control before you can even begin to help them.

While he is asking for "answers" what i generally get from the thread is he is looking for support. Who hasn't made bad choices, who hasn't been in a bad relationship, when your in that spot it's overwhelming and people telling you to "leave them" just makes you more frustrated because they seem not to understand how you can love someone fully...even while they beat you mercilessly.If he were really looking for answers...he would take the answers given...however this is a learning and support forum..so offering glib advice such as "get over it"....is useless and ...even i would go so far as to say inappropriate. He is looking for support and understanding. People with Bi-polar of all people should know...when your overwhelmed and have no idea's what to do...sometimes....you just need someone to listen..sometimes you just need to say what you feel..and sometimes that's enough.

With all that being said i'd like to direct my attention to the issue at hand, and that is the OP. People who have been abused more often then not require therapy and people who enable more often then not require therapy . The best thing you can do for both your wife and yourself is get help for yourself. This forum is a place to be supported, a place to share your feelings but it should not be used in place of a professional therapist. It should be used as a tool in conjunction with therapy.Only you can know for yourself if your ready for help...and until you are ready for help...there can be no comfort that anyone else can provide for you.