Quote:
Originally Posted by Pucca
I told him to leave because she is physically abusive and has cost him his job. Would you tell a battered woman to stay with her husband because it was the alcohol or his mental illness that was causing him to hit her? Of course not. This situation goes way beyond patience and understanding. It's not being "glib" (Tom Cruise is that you?) to say things like this. I never said get over it. I was being honest. Battered women use these excuses all the time to stay with their husbands. Some of them end up dead.
And don't say "oh you just don't understand" because I do. I am married to someone who is bi-polar and I love him very much. BUT, if he ever physically hurt me, caused me to lose my job, and put me through the hell this man is going through, I'd have to let go. I love him, but I love myself too.
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Actually if i was counseling a battered woman i wouldn't tell her to just "leave him", that to me is the exact same thing as telling a diabetic to just "will there blood sugar levels to be in the normal range". Also as a therapist you don't ever actually tell people what to do...you empower them to make desicions for themselves. If you step back will no emotional attachment to the situation of course it is plain to see what should be done, but you have to realize that when your in the situation..with emotions...logical thoughts are pushed to the side ALOT of the time.
While i am very pleased to hear that you would not stay with an abuser...and that you love yourself...not everyone feels that same way. From the OP's comments do you really feel like he loves himself? Do his posts seem to come even remotely from a place of self care, self esteem or love for self? Thats why i recommended therapy...and not "just leave" as advice. he is almost as unwell as her. The therapist wont start the session with.. just "leave her"...the therapist will work on the issues that cause him to want to stay with someone who is abusive.
If people responded to logical advice disregarding all their emotions sure it would be alot easier to help people...but it just is not reality. It never has been the case..nor has it ever been the case.