It sounds like you're having trouble distinguishing among three very different ways of "being" something:

1. You experience yourself as being (whatever). It's true for you on some level, whether or not anyone else agrees or even knows. There's no rule that the different ways you experience yourself have to fit together neatly. You can feel strong and weak at the same time, for instance.

2. Others agree that you're (whatever) and treat you accordingly, whether that fits with how you see yourself or not. You may never know if they privately think something different because if they were to admit it, it would of course become their new public position. You can, however, note whether what they say agrees with what they do and even point it out on occasion: "You say I'm your best friend, so how come you crossed the street the other day when you saw me coming?"

3. You assume that it must be permanently "written" somewhere that you're (whatever). Then, if you think you're not, you're wrong, or if anyone else says you're not, they're wrong. By this reasoning, if you feel different ways about yourself, you must be wrong at least part of the time.

Personally, I find it most useful to assume that if 3. "exists" at all it's only as part of 1. I may wonder what's "written" about me and whether everyone can "read" it except me, but if it's written at all, it's only because I just wrote it. Others are free to "write" their own versions in their own space but I'll never know unless they tell me.