Wow, this thread sure has been busy! Will proceed from your question to me (because you asked, and I don't want to not answer you), though it seems to be going backwards, then move forward to the current point. (And add that I am glad you'll be getting counselling and could not possibly agree more with Ryask's words of wisdom..."...be honest...with the therapist...even if you are not with yourself...because in the end you will be able to know for certain what the right course of action is for you...and be able to live with the results of your decisions..and the fastest way there is honesty." )

First, said kindly...no need to be sorry for me. There was much time unmedicated --25 years. Clear recall? Yes and no. I knew when I was raging and what I was doing generally, but detail-wise, not so much. Doesn't change the reality of the fallout from my actions. I needed to deal with that regardless of my state of mind at the time. Random. Flipped out more at home because spent more time there. It often involved no one ('cept myself of course...). I really could not guess what would happen next. Except in answering your most recent question (bottom of reply).
(Also feel the need to point out --not to you really, but anyone reading the thread (because it is such a common misconception and it's come up) that rage is NOT diagnostic for BP, although it is not uncommon.)

Agree with your assesment malapp, that VH has sound advice here.

Nothing will change.