Thanks, Skully.
I have now realized some of the reasons. We went to see couples T today. We worked on a lot. It seemed fine when we were there but as soon as we left I knew I was in for it (for my own anger, grumpiness, withdrawing etc). It is so frustrating not really know where your feelings are coming from or what they mean. But I tried to talk about them. We tried to talk about stuff. All in all we had a productive conversation. Just wish things didn't take so long to sort out. Like, years.