Are you on any medication? Do you have the option to find another doctor? If you have gone so far as to make plans, you need to see someone. And not later - NOW. And no, your children will never be better off alone. They will just be alone. I would say, tell your partner everything..even those things that you're afraid of the most. Ask for help and for support. You do not have to go through life feeling this way; there are so many options.