Known around here as a lesbian but hey, I just started dating a man. A good looking, smart, caring, sensitive (can read my moods before I have them) man.

We are both bipolar and we are both taking meds and going to therapy. Still don't have bipolar issues between us.

I found out that when he was 13 he had sex with his friends mother (his idea or so he says). He spent the next 5 years with this woman. I refer to her as a pedofile because he was 13 and she was um like 40. Okay, here's the tough part. I told him that according to the law and to the DSM V, pedofilia is not only illegal but a mental illness on her part. He's surprisingly balanced, or so I thought until I told him this and he said that doesn't count because he wanted the relationship. So the relationship evolved and he took 18 years away from her to start his own family. So he runs back into her and the relationship starts up again. This woman has twisted him in some pretty messed up ways. She practiced S&M with him, yeah, riding crop whippings, hand cuffs and he's got a box in a closet that would rival a small European sex shop. We don't visit that box at all. He does not see how she has stunted his maturity and how much damage she has done.

This was all revealed to me slowly. Sometimes I wonder if his choice of intertainment (video games and he's got hundreds by the way), doesn't watch tv at all. As a matter of fact, he doesn't have a tv (unless he gets a converter box).

When I first started dating him she kept calling him to bring her his vallume and goes through about 3 bottles of wine a day. Many times he can't understand what she is saying because she is so messed up. He told her don't call him, he's not going to be her little slave boy. I had hope at that point but then he got worried about her and started calling her.

Let me tell you guys about those calls. I cry as I write this and I am not one for tears. I hear "I love you, you are not being replaced", "no, I won't give you her name". She called all of his friends and emailed them trying to get my name. Anyway, she knows that I am his girlfriend and that they are not getting back together even though from what he has said, they have parted and gotten back together time after time, but there has never been someone like me as his girlfriend. Last night she wanted to come over to his house which I am staying at until I can get the proper support and feedback (and yeah, I want honesty even if it hurts). But that support is so important to me. I am so ashamed that I didn't know all this before I started to stay with him. I even have my cats with me. I am not impulsive by any means and haven't even dated in like 3 years.

He says he worries about her. I told him I didn't want to hear about the painful things she did to him. I don't want to hear about the beatings and the emotional abuse but was stunned tonight when he said he was going to lunch with her tomorrow. I said in healthy relationships you don't tell your current love such disgusting and degrading sexual things and not expect that person not to be horrified, frozen in so many feelings.

I thought I had a good head on my shoulders but not ready to leave without the proper support in place.

I thought with therapy and her out of the picture he could heal and thought he had a good handle on it. But he doesn't understand why I cry and get upset when I hear him talk to her and tell her she will always be in his heart, that he loves her but not as a lover. That she was the love of his life.

They talk about once a day. I thought, I'll just go in the other room so I won't hear. Then after he gets off the phone he says he feels that I abandoned him because I didn't stay in the room (but I have to be quiet while he's on the phone so he can hear her).

All this stuff still spells sick, sick, sick and more sick.

I need all the support and feedback really. It will help me figure out that I am not jealous because I don't want to stay in the same room, I don't want to see the handcuffs and the whips and the many dildoes (there has to be at least 10), some kind of ball for the mouth (what this has to do with love making I do not know. I thought blow up dolls were just batchelor party jokes but I saw it and he had to tell me what he did to it too.

I know I should leave as soon as possible. I know she is not capable of having a mature loving relationship. I know I am.

Whenever he's not around (which is not often because he always wants to be around me (except of course for tomorrow) I cry my eyes out and he doesn't understand because he says he loves me and it's just lunch (I really don't care at this point). This guy is already trying to get me on his lease and he doesn't have a job, will be going to art school soon (but that doesn't pay the bills). His mommy is paying the bills and they do not have a good relationship.

He is sleeping on the couch right now so I write this. I am crying so hard I just had to take a break to upchuck dinner. I've not had my heart broken so many times and yet when we are together (90% of the time) he acts like the loving, caring, affectionate, gentle person I thought he was.

I know all this sounds sick and I may be rambling but you all have been a main source of support for over 4 years.

Please write back and let me know you care. I've never needed help this much before. I will be calling the hotline tomorrow (not sui at all just desperate for help on healing and getting back to my apartment at the right time with my cats safely.

I feel like this woman has warped this man for life.

I'm going to be okay. I'm going to take my nightly meds and do some breathing techniques and sleep. Then I am going to get up and log on here after I talk to the VA hotline.

I thought she was out of his life and now she's not. I thought that box of ugly, disgusting sex toys would eventually go into the trash. I wasn't aware that mommy was paying the bills.

I'm not going to rush off and pack my stuff and get a ride from someone just to get away from him. I'm going to read your feedback and listen to the hotline counselor and then probably pack my stuff when the time is right...like when he's not around or maybe since he wanted me here, he should be the one to take me and the cats home. I'm just so confused and conflicted. I guess saying that I'm not thinking rationally is an understatement. But I trust you all.

Please help me.