TRIGGER POTENTIAL ; HEADS UP

jmo, Whew hon, biggy on yer plate. I realized I had become my father when I was 15 and found myself at the top of a marble staircase with a 4 week old crying infant in my hands, which were raised above my head, ready to chuck her down the stairs to get a moment's peace. She had been wailing, as only a tiny infant can, for 8 hours. she was sick. Her Mom shoulda never gone out.... But, there I was, absolutely had HAD IT with the noise..... I just needed one f'n minute of silence fer God's sake....... Well, thankfully, just before I chucked her, she shut up(hand of Godd?) and I was able to catch myself, right there at the very last instant....... Holy *****, I "came to" with her up there, above my head, in my own hands, and about died from knowing what I had just about done....... I lowered her to my chest and swore on her life to get rid of acting out of anger in violence. I had to give up violence. Including against myself. Whew. Raging: It was the only way my family dealt with anything.

I had no idea of alternative behaviors. No one to talk to. I literally sat on my hands when the urges hit.... Started screaming instead...... that sucked too. Finally, with the love of this family of kids I was taking care of, I learned how to use my brain and speak with them about what was pissing me off and they learned how to speak with me about what was pissing them off and it turned into a beautiful thing between us. I am still in awe of that group transformation ...... 40+ years ago.

Hang in there. Many things are possible. Do you do couseling with yer kid? Family? When one changes, all must change to the new alignment. Work work work of the hardest yet most fulfilling kind.