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Jan 15, 2011, 02:23 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Hi my friend ~ You are a very articulate person - that's nice to see in a young person. Usually I read slang, and stuff that I can't understand. LOL 
I understand all too well about living in a home with an alcoholic. BOTH my parents were alcoholics - and it made for a very chaotic atmosphere. There was a LOT of fighting, both verbal and physical. Back then tho, the neighbors minded their own business and the police were never called. There were 4 of us kids, and we really should have been removed from the home. To have to listen to all that horror really did a number on all of us. All 4 of us suffer from depression.
I hope that you are NOT using the Oxycontin now. That doesn't make you HIGH -- it's a depressant. It's a pain medication. You don't really get "high." It's not an upper. And it's very DANGEROUS --I'm sure you know that already. Please -- don't use it anymore. I'm sure that's PART of the reason some of your friends left.
You say you want to 'die' to see the reactions -- well of course you know now impossible that will be. Are you trying to get your father's attention?? Are you trying to get BOTH your parents' attention? Do they not listen to you or pay enough attention to you? What is the REAL reason you want to die? It can't be that you want to see peoples' reactions. 
You haven't even BEGUN to live yet -- tomorrow you could feel entirely different about this. Suicide is a permanent answer to a TEMPORARY problem!!  This problem isn't going to last forever you know. None of MY problems ever lasted forever. LOL I of course thought they would -- especially when I was in high school. Time seemed eternal to me then. But now an hour seems like 2 seconds. 
As far as dancing or physical activity - so WHAT if that's not your bailiwick? I'm lucky I can turn on this computer too!! I'm not good at a LOT of things - but I've had a good life. I had a job that I enjoyed until I became disabled. That sucked. But it could have been worse too.
And we can't know what our future holds for us. It's nice to have goals tho -- you have time to figure out what you want to do. You don't have to decide right this minute! Give yourself some time.
Maybe designing games is just a hobby right now, but who knows?? It could develop into something more. There is good money in that, ya know!! You could be a protege'. lol
And you know what?? I lived my WHOLE LIFE without a stupid cell phone. lol It won't kill you to go without for awhile. Yeah, I know -- I "just don't understand." blah blah blah. LOL Well, you STILL have your computer - be grateful for that!
You're really a pretty nice person. DO NOT do anything to yourself.
You promised the counselor - and please promise me, ok?? I'd like to be your friend. Hugs, Lee
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