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Dear NF, be careful. While the man has many qualities you enjoy, that relationship with that 60+ woman is toxic. As soon as you can move out and do not let the man know. You might even change your phone number. You can meet him for lunch...coffee...maybe do some fun stuff. But you need some distance safe distance between each other. Perhaps invite him to therapy with you and you and your T discuss how toxic that other relationship is to him and you. Or go with him to his T and discuss it. It was very smart of you to call the crisis counselor. SA has many forms but all of them are lethal. i was so hopeful that you found a nice guy...but...sometimes you just have to say NO for your own safety. Maybe you can still be in that guys life but only at a safe distance. Personally, i think good-bye forever is the healthiest decision. However, i do not have any feelings for the man either. So i am guessing it is scary and conflicting. May you continue to consult your T and crisis counselors when needed and may you find and feel supported here. We have never met, or talked in chat, so i do not know if you have any history with SA. It can change how the brain develops if started at a young age. Something happened to those two individuals. You cannot change them. At best you can pray for them however you pray...be it to a god or not. i would like to send you some strength to get through these up coming trying days. If an invisible hand to squeeze will help, then i will send you mine. Gentle hugs.
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