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Jan 15, 2011, 06:23 PM
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Location: West Palm Beach, Florida
Posts: 61
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Quote:
Originally Posted by malapp1
Some of the lessons one learns in life are “harsh.” They can be very painful and sometimes, we do all we can to not learn the lessons. Bipolar Disorder is a disease and sometimes people will do everything they can to avoid treatment. There is a true anomaly at work. Admitting you have the disease means you are unwell, not admitting it is a bi-product of the disease.
In my case, I allowed the mental health stigma to play out. I chose to believe that she was not unwell. I did all I could to ignore it even though it virtually destroyed me. Sometimes the emotional grief that one suffers at the hand of a disease is overwhelming.
I started the tread hoping someone would tell me that one day she would wake up and come out of it. I hoped that she would realize what happened and take steps to cure us. That hasn’t happened but, there is still time.
Deep down inside of me, my worst fear is likely my reality. I will continue to “hope” but I have to move forward with my life. I have to protect myself from the hurt the disease can cause. The saddest part of all of it is there is a woman out there somewhere who is suffering. She may very well never know just how much I love her.
To all those who suffer from this disease, my message is in my pain. I learned something a long time ago, when you are about to go through a surgery that is very painful, your hope is that tomorrow you will feel better. It may not always be tomorrow but, in the end, if you got the right treatment for the right problem, one day you may feel better. Sometimes the treatment doesn’t work but if you never try you will never know.
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“And to my wife, I know you’re out there somewhere. I know you are hurting and I know you are in pain. I don’t know what you recall but I do know that I love you. It’s not a crime to be unwell but, it is a crime to commit them. The people in this forum share interesting thoughts and ideas. They come from both the suffering and those who have suffered. Wellness is a choice that only you can choose. Treatment does not mean that you will always be okay; it just means that you can learn to live within boundaries.
People love you and if you stop feeling shame, you can start to recover. You did not ask for this disease, you are a victim of it. Those who know you know that you are not this person. Sometimes it just overtakes you and you are powerless to control the outcome.
I know this and that is why I have always come back to you. I have lied to you about things and avoided admitting that this disease is part of our life. I have tried everything to believe that you are not a victim. I have tried everything to believe that I am not a victim.
You are a smart girl and you can figure this out. All the evidence is there and it’s you who has to choose. I am not well and I need help to overcome the deficits it my life. But, by the grace of God, I will stand by you, while you fight back.”
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