Kim,

Age 12 is a lousy age from which to be separated from your birthmother. Not being able to attend your mother's funeral creates another whole set of issues. It seems natural to me that these unresolved feelings would surface at Christmas. I'm sorry for your losses. I don't have a lot of family either for other reasons, so I understand how you are feeling. Christmas can be a very painful time for a lot of us. Sometimes, people trying to protect us, hurt us in other ways. I hope this note finds you feeling a little better. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss how your feeling further.

Jane - Oz