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i do not know how others do it. i am ashamed of this diagnosis. i thought here would be an okay place not to hide so much but....i have read posts that suggest i be more than a little careful. Crap! i am embarrassed even with my pdoc. i keep thinking it makes us less than....the mother thinks i am not capable because i am "sick". i just want to vomit. My fault for being poor and too stupid not to die but instead hung on to not be able to put the past in the past and leave it there. No too stupid to figure that out. So it is hard to connect to the world if you have to hide all of you, hide your past, hide your scars, fake being ordinary, and relatively happy just to socialize. How can you tell who is safe and who to stay away from? Is everyone a wolf in sheep's clothing? Why do not we know the difference? Why cannot that lesson be taught now? If only all this negative past, present and future stuff could be vomited. i just want to be accepted, loved, wanted, believed in, trusted, and valued. Okay i am asking for too much. There is no point in me getting upset here. No point is this conversation. Just more rambling on my part. i will close the lips and mind as best i can and try sleep.
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