I'm sorry I reacted so strongly so quickly. I replied to my own thread from a few days ago and no one responded and when I saw that this thread only had 4 views it felt personal. I am overwhelmed and not myself so I'm sorry for being crazy.

One of her colleagues called me to tell me she is in labor (god I hope for her sake she's had the baby by now!!!!) and I went into total shock I wrote down her number as she told me but when I hung up I didn't even really know what I was supposed to call her for. After my massive, hyperventilating panic attack started to subside I didn't really know what else to do but call her colleague. I told her that I'd been trying to reach T all day bc I have this huge project going on in my life and I started to worry and when I found out that T went into labor early my day basically exploded and I was in shock and didn't know what to do. I was crying on the phone to this stranger T that I'd never met. I kept apologizing and she kept telling me it's ok. I needed her to know that I'm not that crazy client and that I was already having a bad day and this was icing to my cake (or birthday candles even). T and I didn't even make our plans for her leave other than setting up my interim T. We'd talked about being in touch for a time or two to check in but nothing concrete. I wanted to schedule my 1st session back. I wanted to give her a hug. I wanted to tell her how grateful I am, how this is confusing several months will not damage me but make me stronger, and I wanted to tell her how excited and hopeful I am for her to be a mother of this little munchiekin bebe growing inside of her. I wanted to say goodbye. I didn't get to do any of that. I am hoping and wishing that maybe, at some point, if she has a free moment in the next few weeks that she will email or call, just to check in, make sure everything is lined up for me - but I'm not counting on it. Anyway, she, T's colleague, was very kind and offered to see me this week. I told her I'd get back to her but I probably won't.

I worry we (and yes, I mean all of us T-lovers here on PC) put too much of our faith in our Ts. They are not limitless. They are not superheros. They are not our mothers or fathers or whoever we need them to be. I know she's tried to give me everything she can. I know she's worked so hard for me. I know that her encouragement and dedication has kept me working and striving to be a better, happier, healthier, self-actualized person. But now I also know, really know, she has limits.

Now that I have no major obligations this week, I'm going tomorrow to visit my brother and best friend in another city. I have no idea how long I'll stay but I'm really glad to be getting away. I really need it. I hope it will help me.

wowy - She's on leave until June. And yes, especially because it is so abrupt, it actually feels like a death. I would normally feel bad about the drama of that statement - but T is the only person I share with. I see her twice a week and pour my soul out. I don't have that otherwise. I don't have that now. It feels like a death. How can a birth, such a joyous and magical occasion for her (and family) feel like a death to me? What a sad, lonely person I must me.

kacey - Thanks for the effort Right now I can't even imagine next week. June, going back to see, seems impossibly far. I'm not even sure if I even want to continue therapy if it can cause me this much pain. It's been 7 years now - maybe this brutally emotional experience is an indicator that it's time to be done? Ow Nonetheless, I do have an appointment set up with interim T in 2 weeks. It's going to be effing weird. It makes me want to vom a little

rainbow - T hand picked my interim T. They are friends I think. T's colleague that called me today will let everyone know when she knows that they are healthy and safe. I guess she called me today bc I had an appointment scheduled and she didn't want me to show up blindly with no one to see me. Maybe I'll hear from her in the next day or so?

rainbow/granite - As for the email - I'd been try to reach T all day via phone and email so I actually already sent her an email telling her that I got word of what's going on, that I'll be ok. I also wished her and the family good health and happiness and I told her how strange of a goodbye this is. Anyway, the leave is 4 months

poet - thanks for the hugs

oof, I feel so broken down.