Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise
Connor, in my experience, I am not going to disagree with anything you have written, except to say that I do not think that most people here at pc judge ( know you were not saying they did. Just wanted you to know my expereince). I have found an occassional person here who no longer wanted to know me once they know the ugly truth. But its the rare occassional person. So here I think you can talk about things here at pc and not be judged, if you want. Or that is my general experience.
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That's ok; I didn't think they did. At least (since I'm new here) I'm hoping they don't....
Seriously, the best social experience of my life was a decade or so I spent hanging around in ex-patient social clubs in the Boston area. Being around people who didn't automatically ostracize me for having an illness allowed me to be myself for the first (and only) time in my adult life. Most of them were run by staff, but my favorite was a place run purely by ex-patients. Eventually I had to move on, and I lost contact with most of them, but it was great while it lasted.
So yeah, I'm open to giving pc a good try.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise
I am very ashamed of being AvPD. I do not have a light case of it,as it became further entrenched over the years. Although I do not have the disorders that often go along with it. Its funny how pain of rejection is a sympton of the disorder. And yet the disorder does cause rejection for me. Vicious cycle  |
Yeah, I know what you mean. Being paranoid as well as AvPD, I tend to think of the whole thing is terms of being singled out for attack by others but underneath that, there's a lot of shame too. I hate this weakness that prevents me from asserting myself. There's all kinds of experiences I would have wanted to have if this crap hadn't gotten in the way. It's galling to think that no matter what I try to do, this is going to come up. It's leaves me choking with helpless anger. Most of the time, I have to not think about this stuff.
Luckily for me I'm good at entertaining myself, or I'd have gone around the bend a long time ago,
and not come back...