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Jan 16, 2011, 06:03 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2011
Posts: 168
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Ok so without introducing myself properly I’m just going to say what my current problem is. I don’t feel good with having all my background in one post, I hope that’s ok. 
So I’ve been seeing my T for half a year now (CBT) and I realized that I don’t truly trust my T yet. She’s really nice and caring but I’ve been betrayed countless times by “friends” who used my trust to get people to dislike me or bully me.
Anyway, I have yet to cry in therapy or let loose in general, which I can’t do. My T has now mentioned my ‘needs’ several times and asked me what I expect of her or how she should react if I either get a panic attack or start crying or something similar.
And I do not want to tell her. As soon as I tell her for example “I need you to somehow comfort me physically or come closer, not just sit there and stare” and she does it, then I don’t believe she did it because she wanted to but because I asked her to. And I want her to act genuinely! This is really important to me. Because all the ‘healing’ and ‘helping’ can only happen for me if my opposite reacts the way they would and not because I asked them to do it.
I understand that my T is somewhat helpless and doesn’t know what to do because if she reacts in a bad way then that may be damaging as well… see my dilemma?
What I would need is a hug or holding hands or patting my back, I don’t care but she shouldn’t just sit there. Yet what if she would just be sitting there if I didn’t tell her that I need her to be closer?
Then I’ll worry that she only does it for me and she feels uncomfortable and maybe she doesn’t really like me and rolls her eyes while comforting me and that would really stress me out further.
Any ideas what to do? 
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