Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand

stolly i am duplicating my signature in hopes you will see it...i know sometimes we don't read someone's signature. i use it because i have to be encouraged by what ayn rand wrote so many years ago when i feel hopeless with depression. i hope it will help you too.
life sometimes feels unmerciful. you are going through that experience right now. you have tried very hard by getting a job tho it was humbling. i applaud your efforts.
please try to dig deep in your soul and celebrate the person you are even with tribulations. know that this experience in your life will strengthen you in the future even tho right now things seem so hopeless. you can rebuild your life piece by piece. try to focus on beautiful things in nature by taking a walk. if you have friends you are comfortable talking to about your life right now reach out to them for solace. try to kind to yourself. you are wounded right now but you will heal in time. take life minute by minute is that's all you can muster.
for me prayer helps immensely and meditaion certainly helps me too. even crying about what "is" releases for me some of the pain i feel.
you are one of God's creatures. He will lift you up from this pain. rely on Him because He loves you.
know that we are here for you too. know that we care.