Quote:
Originally Posted by lizardlady
IMHO this is a boundary issue. There was a time that I would have done/given whatever was asked regardless of it's imapct on me. Then I learned to have some personal boundaries.
Today if someone asks more of me than I can or am willing to give I tell them that's not something I can do. I might offer an alternative that I would be able to give them. That's if the person asks me.
If someone makes demands of me, regardless of whether I'm able to do the thing or not, I tend to get my back up. I don't like be ordered around.
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I've had my fill of being ordered around, too, Liz. I recognize it in its backhanded, passive aggressive fashion, too. And I agree with you that it is a boundary issue. The blatant stuff I can deal with "Got any spare change?" is an obvious demand. But "I'm so wonderful, damn you if you don't put up with me
forcing you to acknowledge my wonderfulness" is a completely different ball o' wax, in my opinion. If I take the easy route and say "Yep, you're wonderful, the wonderfulest of all" then it opens the door for a constant river of self-aggrandizement. If I act ignorant of the subtext, then I get
more of the self-aggrandizement because I'm s-l-o-w at recognizing Wonderful Needy Me's wonderfulness AND need for constant awe and amazement at her wonderfulness. Meanwhile for 8 hours a day I'm thinking to myself "I'm not getting paid for
this." While I'm a big believer in acknowledging something head on in order to deal with it well, I do not think; I should say I have not thought in the past this is the way to deal with this, because of the damned if you do/damned if you don't aspect. And it isn't just an employment issue; a friend of mine is also dealing with an in-law that would absolutely have me signing up at the Instant Orphan club.