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Thank you ladymacabeth and omers, not talking has not helped at all. It has made therapy harder and longer. RA reinforced the "never speak" so the slightest hint at rejection for being "me" the instant we, i , run. Angry that i need to hide and do not want to. and just Angry. Our first T sort of abandoned us and we are just now beginning to process it. That was six years ago. We got a new therapist but a year ago she stopped working nearby and now just works from home. So for over a year now we just have had our pdoc. This has made us feel stifled and afraid to open up with pdoc ...afraid to be left again. So we have embarked on trying to find a T not too far away that is willing to treat us. So all of the shame and embarrassment and unprocessed feelings about the departure of the first T have resurfaced.
Please i am sorry for the outburst. i should erase that post. i hope you do not dislike me because of what i posted. i will see if i can change it.
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