((((Bmee2))))

First thank you for posting and sharing how you are feeling. You are never stupid. The questions you asked and the feelings you have are valid. I think many of us have asked the same questions more than once.

Truth is what we did to survive was very creative and good. Even saying that I know that feeling of not wanting to be this way and of trying to make it go away by ignoring it or beating myself up.

Connecting to the world is hard and something we still have not been able to do in so many ways. Belonging was something we never felt and even today we feel we do not belong. So much lately I feel so disconnected and not able to find me. It is like I am standing on the outside of it all watching and listening to everyone within.

For us we cannot tell the difference because so many times it was all mixed up never allowing us to feel anything but the confusion and fear. Telling who is safe and who is not takes time and takes listening to your self. Asking questions and feeling it out. If it does not feel safe then you are probably right, but often times things do not feel safe and we have to back away.

Not hiding here is okay. You are not judged and there are no expectations. You are accepted for who you are, and wanted. You are valued because you are a human being. We believe you for we have no reason to not believe you. I think as we begin to believe in ourselves we can then begin to accept that we are believed and valued.

I am glad that you shared your ramblings as you call them with us and felt safe enough to do that. As you continue to post and reach out it will become easier to do so. Give yourself time. None of us got this way overnight and it will take time to work through it all.

You deserve to be heard and to be cared about. What you have to say is important and it means something. We all have experienced different things but we all have many thing that are similar. You belong here and we are glad you are.

I know the feelings you feel and I know the terror that pulls us back at times and makes us feel no one understands or can relate. We go through times we cannot post because the fear feels too big. But we know that when we are ready we can post once again and others will be there to listen, support, encourage, and care.

I am sorry your first t abandoned you. You did not deserve that. I do hope that you find a new t. But until them I hope you will keep reaching out and posting. We are listening and hear you.

I can relate to what you are feeling and the need to hide and to "never speak." Those two words along with the threats terrified us for a long time and still do. Fear and terror do something to you and it steals away your ability to sometimes be able to feel or to say anything at all.

Know that we are here for you and that what you have to say is important . Please keep reaching and posting as you can. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps