I must have one of those too. All my friends turn out to be these types of people. For Rachel, I dunno if it was her outward confidence (she was very insecure on the inside) or aggression, things I lack, that pulled me to her, but it's a sad habit I really want to get out of. Same with Jesse, in fact, he treated me just as horribly as he did when I first met him, but I was silly, off in fairytale land and thought if I was nice he'd be nice back. It worked for a while but obviously nothing truly ever changed.

Exactly. I still do wish things hadn't turned out the way they did, I mean, it is sad and I used to have high opinions and respect for both of them, until they suddenly turned on me. Rachel used to always tell me she did things out of revenge, cause I deserved it. That was her brainwash and it worked for a very long time. Jesse however, blamed it on how I never trusted him, I was always doubtful, I liked to play victim and all of that. What happens with both of them is, when they're nice to me I look back on all the bad things I say and I think that yeah I was being ridiculous, I was being over-dramatic and crying out for justification.. He never realized I'm doubtful on both sides. Of him but also myself. That's why we had a yoyo type friendship. I'd doubt him and leave, but then I'd start doubting myself and come back. But this time I know for sure I didn't do anything wrong. They're both just so manipulative, I noticed this in Rachel a long time ago and expected it. I noticed it in Jesse too but didn't want that to be true. Denial is not a fun place to be.

Thank you. I always thought that if I was nice to them they'd be nice to me. Maybe I could tell them the truth of how they were about me, how much it hurt, and they'd feel sorry and stop. But they just didn't care and it made me wonder how a person could be so cruel. Why someone who I had spent so much time with being friends, had shown complete loyalty and unconditional forgiveness would they suddenly change?

I had good chemistry with them when it was good, especially Jesse. Just on the 14th we were laughing about anything and everything, made up 20 inside jokes in only a few hours. The next day it was like he wasn't the same person. I was hated and no longer cared about. Blindsided outta no where for no reason whatsoever.

I know that once I start making new friends I'll forget all about them and move on. However pretty much at the moment I'm alone. I'm shy and quiet, timid really, and it's hard to take me out of my shell. Also as I said before I'm very doubtful and unsure of myself. I know what I did was the right thing, but those silly emotions, and my lack of self-confidence make being sure difficult.


I wish emotions just didn't exist, or at least you could turn them off as easily as a light. "No, I don't want to feel sad today *emotions off*"