I'm a girl, but I never grew up "feeling" like a girl or a boy, I just felt like me. I paid no attention to gender, not even when I grew into my teens. But as I got older, my family would constantly make "joking" remarks like "You walk like a guy." "You stand like a guy." "You sit like a guy" "God, you act like a guy" "You have such a guy sense of humour", and I realised they were right. And whenever my dad talks about something or complains about something, I realise it's a lot easier for me to relate/sympathise with him than with women.

And for awhile now, whenever I go into a clothing store, I wish I could be wearing the men's clothes instead of the womens, because I prefer how they look, and I get so depressed/envious. And I wish I could cut my hair like a guy's, because I prefer their styles. But I can't do any of that, because my family would freak out (especially my dad), even though it's their fault I started to realise that I'd rather be a guy than a girl. I always wished I never had breasts, too, from the moment they started growing. I hated them.

I don't feel like a guy, though. But I don't feel like a girl, either. I just feel like myself, but I know I'd rather look like a guy. It's so frustrating. I also know it's partlybecause I find men super attractive (alongside the whole acting-like-a-guy thing), so I'd love to look like one. I just wish I could without any consequences, because this is really eating at me.