Maybe it's my ADD fog, or resistance, or dissociation, but I never recall anything specific from therapy sessions. I can recall generally that I'm often in chronic emotional distress, talk about that, disappointments, fears, current situational stressors, occasionally family of origin dynamics. I worry a lot about cognitive decline and dementia, and these memory problems only support that fear. I don't think that therapy can help if it can't be digested, integrated.

I've had a lot of therapy and therapists over the decades. It's usually as hard to remember the content of sessions as it is to recall dreams and jokes. It's frustrating. Therapy has also felt stalled out for a while, and I've brought it up with T. I feel that she's caring and well-intentioned, but maybe doesn't have new ideas for moving ahead. It's as though I've passed on to her my feeling of futility (just my subjective experience). I went to her initially for EMDR, which, I think, made me feel worse over time. I couldn't "graduate" from one particular childhood scenario, which still has deep roots that reach into my present day issues. Perhaps, talk therapy did what it could long ago, and isn't what I need. I'm just showing up weekly, and venting and getting support, but is that all I get? I hope I'm making sense. I'm not sure. I entered a "protective bubble" of dissociation as a young child to escape an emotionally charged, chaotic family environment. I never fully emerged from the bubble.