To the first question, no. To the second question, probably.

As someone rather new to the notion of not injuring, I probably won't do you much good. If I were you, I would look at it logically and attempt to focus my energy into something empty and cold. Cutting, for you, seems to be like a release of hot, kinetic energy. As you continue being "clean", you increase your potential energy and make yourself more and more uncomfortable.

I would weigh my options and attempt to decide what would make me the most comfortable. Is guilt or madness worse? Is craving or pain worse? Is that moment of serenity worth the dissapointed look in the eyes of those to whom I'd made my promises to never SI again?

I cannot answer these questions for you. I mutilate because I enjoy it. When I do not, I do not know what to do with myself. Going freaking crazy is an inescapable endpoint for us all. There is no sanity, only the illusion of civility in order to maintain a society fit to raise young. All people only pretend to be sane in order to avoid lonliness. We are all mad. It is a mad, mad world.