lol, I wish I had the diabolical mind to come up with such a great plan of attack. When I first met Rachel I had strong defenses. I wouldn't take crap from nobody. As soon as someone did something I didn't like, I told them so and if it happened again they were shoved out the door and never seen again. This however kept the amount of friends I had to a minimum, but I didn't have as much drama then as I do today.

I miss who I was back then, before the depression, before the anxiety, before Rachel sat lurking over my shoulder, slowly pulling pieces of me apart. I used to be confident and self-assured. I knew I was smart, I knew what I did and didn't deserve, which in my mind was always nothing. I had the ability to deflect negative comments, and when someone would try to take me down I could use their own personality against them so people wouldn't believe them. I was still honest, I was still timid on the inside, but I had better control of my thoughts and emotions, and my world in general. Now everything is just all over the place.