Thanks, sunrise. I don't feel so foggy now, but I feel frustrated that I still have so many yukky feelings about so much. I thought EMDR was supposed to change the negative feeling about myself, but it didn't. I don't understand how it is supposed to work.

I think T needs to control the buzzers to determine when to turn them on and off. Also, it's not that I don't want her to be in control. It's not about her controlling them. It's about my wanting to connect with her or others and the buzzers are in the way.

My session is tomorrow. I feel like I'm tossing and turning--don't know what's important, what's not. I want to connect with her but know I have to look at the "moon" with her when I'd rather be walking and talking by the lake! I don't know why I'm always so unhappy. I don't know!! I have to talk about feeling like a failure but I won't do EMDR tomorrow. I just need to talk to her, to "have a conversation" like she said we were doing 2 weeks ago.

I miss talking to her because of the EMDR but it gets me somewhere. I just don't know what I want. I just miss T so much now, and what if tomorrow gets cancelled?