Stolly, welcome to PC. I'm sorry you are having so many challenges to face right now. Seems like this year so much has happened for you--when it rains it pours. The good news is, this downpour won't last forever. It sounds like you are taking steps to get out from under all this--seeing a therapist will help.

I have gotten separated and divorced in the last few years and these are some things that helped me:

1) Build up your support network of friends and family. Reach out to them for support, help, or companionship. By the time my marriage was falling apart, I had let my friends and family drift away because I'd been so depressed I couldn't keep them up. So try to build this up and "not be alone" with all of your hurt. Go visit your grandma in the nursing home. You don't have to share your problems with her, but it might make you feel better to do something nice for her. And it will help her too.

2) Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Sleep and depression go hand in hand, so do not become exhausted. If you cannot sleep at night due to anxiety, get some help from your doctor. Also, get some fresh air and exercise, even if it is just going for a short walk a few times a week.

3) Don't rush the divorce. You are feeling very hurt and down right now, and divorce pressure and stress is hard to handle in that state. You can get divorced as late as December 31 this year and still be considered divorced for all of 2011 for tax purposes. Try to do what has to be done right now, such as each of you having a place to live and separating your bank accounts, or whatever is essential right now for day to day living and bill paying. If you jointly own a home and will need to sell it for the divorce, ask your wife if you can put that off for a few months. (The housing market is usually better in the Spring anyhow.) Ask your wife to defer most of the hard decisions for a few months while you start to get back on your feet emotionally. During divorce, you do have to be strong, and if you can build some strength back up, it will help you.

4) Try to do your divorce as amicably as possible. Hopefully, your wife will agree. Divorces can be very traumatic and cause their own awful pain that has to be healed. Try to minimize that by cooperating and not being hateful to each other, as many couples are. It is only harming yourself to be that way.

5) Do not choose to litigate your divorce. That will make things worse. It is easier to divorce amicably by either doing mediation or collaborative divorce, or working things out with your wife on your own. If you have a lot of assets, do not work things out on your own. If you have children, this makes the picture more complicated. Times have changed and joint custody is frequently awarded. So don't be stuck in "old thinking" and think your wife automatically gets custody. Joint custody is very common (it is working well for me and my children).

That's probably too much nuts and bolts info for you now. Just try to take care of yourself right now, keeping seeing your therapist, and ask your wife to hold off on diving right into the legalities.

(BTW, if you are unemployed, this could benefit you in the divorce. Perhaps. See a lawyer for more information.)

Good luck to you. PM me if you have any questions.