Thread: What is this?
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Old Jan 17, 2011, 02:10 PM
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Poohbah
 
Member Since: Nov 2010
Location: US
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Quote:
Originally Posted by salukigirl View Post
You may not have the intention to overcome the aversion to sex, but I would look into WHY you are feeling this way. Typically this is from some kind of traumatic experience like molestation or abuse. This is where I would be concerned.

Can I ask your religion? This may sound weird but, coming from an Irish Catholic family, I was brought up to believe that sex was to be in the dark, your body is something to be ashamed of and it seems like a lot of Catholics I know were brought up in this type of environment. I am still not comfortable with things even like my bf telling me I'm sexy. That really weirds me out. I don't like talking about it and it makes me feel very awkward to even talk to my bf of 2 years about our own sex life.

But in my family sex was never the topic of conversation. I never had 'the talk' and everything I learned about sex was at school. So even if you never had a kind of traumatic experience, being brought up in a household where sex was considered disgusting could cause you to feel this way.

I guess if you are okay with it then there is nothing to be concerned with. My only thing is that, if you ever want a healthy relationship, this has to be dealt with. I can't imagine anyone that would be okay in a totally sexless relationship forever. So if you are okay with feeling this way then I would prepare for a lifetime of difficult relationships as a reality.

As with pornography, I don't get what's so great about it either. Even when I was single I never watched it. It seems degrading to me and kind of gross. But holding others to those standards is not fair. If I refused to date a guy if he liked porn I'd be single forever. You don't necessarily have to like it, but it's not really fair to not accept others because they DO like it.

With all that said, it does sound like you have some self-discovery to do. Being disgusted with something that is a natural part of being human sounds like there are deeper issues at hand.
I like your post a lot. I have the same history (Irish Catholic) but weirdly, both of my parents told us everything, LOL! Their talks were about body parts and the actual "act" of intercourse. My mom still said not to have sex outside of marriage and don't live together beforehand either. I went to Catholic school where this was reinforced. So I still felt ashamed of feeling "horny" even though my parents were more open to us than most kids' parents about everything. Weird, huh?

The problem I had with it was, this is all well and good, but what about those of us who don't find someone in high school and college, get married soon after, and do it the "right" way? How do you deal with all these feelings when you're single for years and years? My mom didn't get married until she was 36, and in the '70s that was considered old. She had two long-term relationships before she met my dad. I can't ask her if she ever "did it" or how she handled feeling sexual without a partner, she's my mom, you know?