Jazzy, it isn't rude what you said. It is good to get different perspectives I agree. I think I do need to reach out, unfortunately that is where my difficulties lie. But I do need to keep trying.

Sannah, I understand what you said. In fact it was quite profound. Without getting into details because it isn't appropriate on this sub-forum, I would be scared that stepping out would mean destroying myself. I understand completely that is not what you meant, you mean stepping out in faith, trust and love towards someone else and remaining intact...and I would love to do that, and maybe one day I will....what I need is the ability to step in the direction of doing that instead of staying stuck. How do I do that?

Melbadaze, I spoke to my T today about feeling stuck and wanting to run away in order to feel less stuck, and she made some hard to hear comments about why I likely feel the way I do. She was right too, I need to stay and go through it rather than running away...I know she's right about that but I feel ?? despair about how alone I feel. I feel I've tried hard, I've turned up at times to therapy when my instinct was to disappear. When does it start to feel as though the fight is making a difference? Can feelings of abandonment ever be healed or will there always be an empty feeling that is too painful that it must be ran away from? ...I should ask my therapist this shouldn't I...sorry.