May trigger-





T has taken a turn for the worse since I was last here. I don't feel like my T is all that connected to me (in the therapeutic sense of course). I had a really bad thing happen to me recently and as I was sniffling and in pain, staring off into space like I sometimes do, I looked back at T and he was completely staring at my breasts!

I never wear anything showing cleavage---ever. It's because it is so overkill for me because I'm uh, kind of well-endowed and just have a body type that tends to accentuate this. I don't wear any tight shirts either unless I'm out on the town and looking for that kind of attention. Even then, anything too obvious looks ridiculous so I dress classy. But I'm used to the periodic gazes even in places where it is not so appropriate, like work. Occasionally I'm flattered. Most often I'm annoyed. Sometimes I don't care.

With T, I care! It was the 3rd time I caught him doing this, but I chalked the first two up to me misreading his gaze. This time there was no mistaking it. I happened to be wearing a shirt that is as low as I go...a scoop neck properly falling just above where cleavage would begin. Not a millimeter of it showing. But maybe in my slumping misery it showed a bit. Again, it couldn't have been anything all that crazy. I'm basically a walking Banana Republic ad to give you guys an image.

I can't bring it up to him. The last time I was critical (the confidentiality issue) it turned into a war.

I guess I just want to vent and get validation. For some reason, I feel like the bad person. I think it plays into another factor that bothers me: he was formerly in a field that has major hierarchy snobbery and I'm currently at the bottom of that field, the lowest caste, not to mention working for his wife, the Big Boss, the czar. Since I've been getting this vibe that he just doesn't like me or care about me, I guess I'm taking his looks as further proof that to him, I equal something equivalent to a servant. Something that can be oogled if he wishes.

I scoured the forum for someone else who experienced these kinds of moments and there was nothing.

Anyone?

Am I making the whole thing too big of a deal? Most of the time this kind of thing happens to me, I shrug it off easily enough. Sometimes it can even be amusing. Not so much with T.