So, I had therapy today, and got to tell T about the "finger pointing at the moon". It was such a deep, touching session. We both had tears, but not sad ones. I couldn't find the word for it...but there were just big feelings.

I told T that I feel so grateful that HE is the finger. He is such a good T, and therapy with him has been one of the hugest gifts I've been given. The moon he is pointing at is the moon I want. I didn't even know that moon was OUT here, but it is. T is helping me find it.

I read him a spiritual thing that I read this weekend that reminded me a lot of therapy, and he totally got that too. It was about making ourselves bigger to contain our pain...that the pain will always be there, but that the more we can expand ourselves, the smaller the pain will be. It was a story about throwing a handful of salt (pain) into a glass vs. throwing a handful of salt into a lake. The water in the glass becomes undrinkable...the water in the lake stays fresh. I told him I want to be the lake.

It was awesome to have someone to talk to who is so attuned, who really WANTS to think about the kinds of things I want to think about, who gets it.

T told me toward the end of session, "I'm going to self-disclose a little". He said that he was "soaking up my wisdom"...that I was saying so many things that he really needed to hear. He said "today, YOU are the finger". He said that it was Grace.

The session was supposed to be 90 minutes, but he was late, so we started late, and I felt "done" after an hour, so I told him "I want to be done now", and he said "okay". I wanted to end with things how they were right then...and so we did.

I see him again on Thursday this week. That's a happy thing