I am having the worst pain...in my freakin neck and shoulders, which is SO IRONIC and it makes me freakin ANGRY that this type of pain makes me feel so weak and tried.
I have a very high tolerance for pain, since I was in a terrible car accident when I was 11. But I have basically broken down in pain and consumed pain medicine, which I have always been against because I have wanted to feel the pain. I really HATE that my body is in such pain, and when my back and legs have been through various surgeries, aka MAJOR PAIN, I wonder WTF is the deal with my neck and shoulders, which have never hurt before. I puch myself consistently with running and working out, so my legs and back should hurt, but when my neck and shoulders hurt as they are now....I get pissed that I have this new pain and that it has so much control over me.
I have been concentrating on getting my physical self back to 100% so much that this new pain SCARES me to death. I feel that the control I have or thought I had is utterly pointless And the illusion of that, meaning me being so naive to believe that I had control over what I could do with my body, along with the pain makes me want to OD on all the pain medicine I have for there to be some ounce of what I can control. I am only 25, and I know that new pain and unexpected pain will occur more during the years to come. But I don't understand why this choice to stop fighting has entered my mind when every time before I have been so aggressive to beat back the obstacle in front of me.

Cherrios