No, I am not mad. I am happy you saw that, Verbascum, because I felt some healing in that interaction, and I think you saw it too. So I feel understood. It was an important moment for me, and I didn't relate all of it here--my reactions to what my parents said, etc. That is partly why I've felt I don't want to wait a month to see my T about this, because he will understand, he will get it immediately, and I think I need that understanding--maybe that's why I risked posting my story here. I wasn't sure I would find understanding here because of the harsh things that are sometimes written by people about those who abused them (I am not at all saying they shouldn't be harsh, so I hope people won't misunderstand--we are all in different places in our journeys). When I haven't been harsh about various situations I've related, I have sometimes received comments that I am reacting wrong, that I should be angry, etc., and I've felt somehow defective for being too forgiving or accepting. It's hard for me to write absolutely honestly about the interaction with my mother here because I fear people's criticism. But I have forgiven my mother, and our interaction last week confirmed that to me. It was a big moment.

Verbascum, I understand very much about the walking to school in a different era--it was different back then. This was over 40 years ago. That wasn't my point, really, just part of the setting for the story. For me, the important part was my mother's strong sorrow about having treated me the way she did--continually with violence--such that I was terrified of her. And when my father said that to her and she didn't deny it (or defend herself), that was very powerful to me. Because I think even 10 years ago she would have denied everything if the topic had arisen (but it never did). It only came up now because she was ready for it. She's changed. I am glad she has lived long enough for me to see this and for us to be closer.

When I told my mom the story, I was not hoping for acknowledgement. I had no goal. I was just saying, hey, remember when... Just kind of pleasantly reminiscing. I would never have had the courage to directly say anything. She's in the last stage of life and I wouldn't want to stir the mud. I feel really lucky this whole conversation even happened. My T says we know inside what we need to heal, so maybe this "accident" was my unconscious at work. I don't know. Hang in there with your mom, Verbascum, because you never know what may happen. What is denied today may be acknowledged in another decade. Thanks again.