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only hate. I can't stop. I don't know if I even want to stop. I just want to understand, want to be able to deal w/ these emotions.

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I said these exact words before, about 3 weeks ago, in fact. I don't know exactly how I got past it, wasn't seeing T, but talked to my husband at Great length about what I was feeling. I came very close to going back to the ER, but talking helped me. Does it help you as well? Do you have someone to talk to, knowing these feelings I would offer up myself as someone who could listen and try to understand.

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My life is so "together" from the outside, and yet deep down it's all crumbling since years. Is this norma?

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My life looks great from the outside too, very few know the hellishness I live with. I don't know if it is for everyone...I can only speak for myself. It has been the norm, but I am trying hard so that it Isn't normal for me.