Hi BackandForth,
You're going through a really hard time and I wish that you could feel better.

I think you need to have a phone number on hand for when you start to feel these feelings again, you can call somebody and have them help talk you through it.
You can write to us but if it's an immediate need for help-nobody may see your post or respond when you need them to. Plus, a human voice is always good.
Do you see a T? Can you give them a call? A relative or friend?
Cutting yourself 23 times is not good but you know that already.
Somewhere along the way, you were taught to hate yourself and you reciprocated. It's hard to undo and it's a constant battle. I struggle with it myself but I'm much better then I was, when I use to cut. It does get better if you don't give up on yourself. It may be a painful process but you have to learn better coping mechanisms so that you're doing something positive and something you'll feel good about yourself for instead of hurting yourself and then feeling bad and awful for hurting yourself in the aftermath.
You need preventative medicine to keep you from getting into this mind set in the first place. That should be just as important as having someone you can talk to when you are in this mind set.
I used creativity to get me out of that phase. I tuned into my talents and expressed myself through painting and poems. Can you try something like this as a release, in stead of cutting? Or you may need a more physically challenging activity such as running or exercising. I used that too. It's hard to get into it-I know. But somewhere along the way, it kicks in and you start to look forward to doing it.
Any kind of routine that will get you in a calm, peaceful place would be good. It needs to be consistent, though.
I don't know what else to suggest.
This forum does help people but it's not good for an immediate intervention, if you know what I mean.
If you don't have anyone to call then let us know. I'm sure somebody will help you think of something.
Please, stay safe. (((((((((((((BackandForth)))))))))))))