Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Hi Poetgirl,
Thanks for the encouragement. I know i need to be more social and start letting people in again. I just wish i was better at being able to spot a trustworthy person, versus someone who just wants to use me or take advantage of me. I tend to be naive in the sense that, i take people's words and actions at face value (or i used to--not so much now). If someone seemed friendly and acted like they really cared, or said so, i believed them. I never was a person to suspect ulterior motives in people, i always chose to think the best of someone. But after getting disappointed and betrayed a few times, now i'm skeptical and untrusting. I don't like being this way, but i don't want to keep getting hurt.
I feel like I've hit rock bottom with friendships and don't think it could get much worse. I've already gone almost 10 years without a good friend in 3D. After the last friend devastated me, i completely gave up. I've got my husband and my in-laws, you guys on PC, my therapist, and that's about it. And the way my therapist is talking, she'll probably be retiring within the year.
My t has said i need relationships in my life, and i've read it is important, even that having supportive friends is a factor in people who live longer. But i can't decide which is worse: being alone without friends, or trusting again and taking the chance on being hurt/used once more. Right now, i've been trying to reach out in my 3D life "just a little" by going up to people in my congregation and talking more, and being back in touch with a lady my age who i use to be friends with before she moved away. I also went to lunch with a coworker a couple of weeks ago.
I think I'm at a stage now where i can handle having very superficial aquaintanceships/friendships in my 3D life. But not the deeper, significant kind, where i reveal much about myself or have to be vulnerable or count on them for anything. Then again, superficial relationships feel that way to me -- superficial. But at least i don't get hurt that way.
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Reaching out and making 'safe' acquaintances, or lighter, more casual connections maybe, is a good step.....it's ok to take small steps when you've been hurt, have trust issues. This is what I've done....sort of cultivated some acquaintances, which at least does create a sense of connection.....but one of those acquaintances has slowly, carefully, turned into a more real, close friendship, because she has proven herself to understand the importance of trust and shown me both respect and care. I am actually really glad I did reach out a little more to her, and give our friendship the chance to develop and to grow.....maybe something like this can bloom with one of these you've reached out to?
I'm finding I don't really need to have
lots of close friendships.....but there is comfort in knowing that there's a small, select few I can feel little closer to, like it is safe to be more real to them, with them. Don't give completely up on trust, peaches; there are still people worth trusting out there!
