Hi novemberhearts, welcome to PC.

I've just read this and the other post in Autism/Aspergers forum.

It sounds very much to me that you're Gender Disphoric, which would explain why you feel there is something else more wrong than 'just' depression and anxiety.
If the only reason that is stopping you doing something about this is family and friends, believe me that is a very bad move as it will constantly eat at you until you do do something about it.
Also you just don't know how your parents or friends will react until you do tell them. If your friends do abandon you, well, that says a lot more about them than it does of you.

Do you see a psychiatrist? If so, tell them, if not go to your GP instead. Even if you don't end up transitioning, at the very least you will know that you're not crazy!

Finally, remember that you are not being selfish by trying to be happy, and that there are people that do understand.

Rainbow