Poetgirl, I am going through some of the same stuff with SI and thinking that was behind me. I just started a new medication about a 2 weeks ago because I know my depression is fueling the SI, and I want to take care of the root of the problem. When I tried medication for the first time about 6 years ago, I told my old T "I don't want my happiness to depend on a pill"...but that isn't how it works. You still feel the same things...happiness, sadness, frustration, stress...but it is more manangable and not everything feels like it is the end of the world. I have yet to find a medication that makes me feel "fake" or happy all of the time...and I don't want that. I just want to feel more content and safe. Hopefully, this new medication will do that for me.

Medication isn't for everyone and different people will have different opinions about it. You have to do what is best for you, and what will make you feel better. Talk to your T more about what YOU want to work on and how you feel about meds. Maybe you can tell her how you feel your kind of "stuck" right now, and how your afraid she feels the same way? It might open up the conversation a bit...good luck!