you asked some valid questions. i'm in recovery also and have been educated on alcoholism. according to experts ppl who are black out drinkers are heading for alcoholism if not already there. i can't say what you are but your comment gives me pause about your drinking. there's another type of alcoholic called binge drinkers. they can go for weeks at a time without a drink but when they do they consume large quantities of alcohol. when i drank i couldn't stop-another sign. i even drank when i didn't want to drink anymore/full. in the end i drank 24/7. i had no control over it. it controlled me. one drink for me is too many and a thousand are not enough.
i too go to AA. it has changed my life 100% if not more. i met ppl there who were like me...they had a problem with alcohol. most ppl who are successful in stopping drinking go to AA lee said. you can "take" what you need and let go of the rest. i hope you'll give it a go. so glad you wish to stop the drinking. you will never regret it. i know you have a problem cause you posted. "admitting" that is the first step towards recovery. please keep us posted. we care.