This is my 1st post. I am in need of help from anyone who would like to share any thoughts or ideas with me. I just need someone to talk to. I am in a relationship that is going on 3 years, we were friends for 3 years prior. Now I am confused & am in desperate need for help before something bad happens. We met through a mutual friend, I had a boyfriend at the time of 2 & a half years & he had just got out of a long term relationship with a kid between them. I didn't realize until shortly after we were dating that he had another kid from another relationship. So 2 kids from 2 different girls. We got together & his most recent ex has been trying to harass me & make my life difficult so that I'll leave him, because she still thinks she can get back together with him(she is a very ugly person inside & out) Anyways, I find myself literally crying everyday. I love him so much & he claims to love me. But all he does all day everyday, is sit on his butt & play video games. I work almost everyday. He makes money the illegal way. Yes he makes more money than me most of the time, but I work all day just to make mine. As soon as I get my check on Friday, its already almost all gone for bills. But all I ever hear from him is how he does everything for me & that I'm ungrateful & I don't have crap compared to him. Early on in the relationship, I ended up getting pregnant(it was planned) but when I reach being 8 months pregnant, my daughter strangled herself with the umbilical cord & died. I had to have my mom pay for the funeral & casket & everything. His ex, constantly calls & tries to intimidate me, I confronted her once, but she was too scared to fight me. But she still talks a good one. All bark but no bite. She says such awful things like how it was all my fault my baby is dead & how we should be thankful because we could never take care of her. She just laughs at my baby's death, literally, she laughs. My boyfriend, which is now my fiance, doesn't do anything about it. He just says I should be the bigger person & ignore her. Which is what I have been doing for the last 3 years almost. Its not stopping. But if there is a problem with someone at my work or anywhere else, he is the first person to start talking about how he will fight him/her. He has a short temper. I have a temper too. But I feel I only show it when I'm being hurt emotionally. Last night I cried because my Dad isn't going to be around for a whole lot longer & I saw a thing on TV about bicycles & I told him I wish I had the money to get my dad the bike he really liked at the store(It was $200). He got mad at me & said "well, if I had said I wanted to buy my kids a $200 bike, you would have said 'no way' " Because 2 Christmas's ago, I though $50 was a little ridiculous for an ugly, bald doll, that looked poorly made, when I saw one that was much nicer for $20 less. We got the ugly one because that's the one his kid wanted & he wasn't even going to consider anything else.Back to the story, so I cried about what he had said, & he just says "go ahead, go cry like you always do, that's all your good for." But I cry all the time because of him. I just feel like things aren't going to get any better. I never have any money, I have nowhere to go, my family has a small home, because my uncle burned down my family's home so when my grandmother died of cancer, my mom inherited her home. I literally have no one else. I love this guy & I think if he changed a few of his ways,he would be the perfect guy. I've been through my share of bad guys, & I know he can be a sweetheart, but the problems he has, even though I try to tell him to fix the problems, & he says he will, but never does. I've been to the point where I don't want to be without him & since I have no one else, no friends, no anybody when things look bad between us & he tells me hurtful things or tells me to get out of his life, I feel like I have nothing. I've tried killing myself a few times unsuccessfully. I'm suicidal. I have nothing or no one. That's why I'm turning to you all for some help before I give up. I see a Dr. I take antidepressants & all that stuff, it doesn't work. I'm lost. Please help me find some light. Please. I have more to write but I don't want to write a novel or no one will want to read it. Thank you for whoever helps. It means more to me than you'll ever know.