The best thing about my T is that she makes me feel that she and I are in this together. She's not "up there" and I'm "down there." We're a team!

It was a productive session, a combination of talking about our relationship and talking about other issues. I told her about the threads on PC: tree's moon quote, the "what would you do with 60 minutes" thread, and mine on "the moon and the fantasy threads." She liked the quote about the finger and the moon, and relating that to therapy. tree, I hope you don't mind my telling her. I didn't think I was going to tell her my fantasy and how it almost made me cry, but I did! She looked sad for me, but right away she said, and get this:

"We CAN take a walk together. But the lake is too far away." The problem is there is nothing scenic near her office, no park or anything. We'd just be walking outside, but at least it would be different and outside of the office. It has to wait until warm weather, though. I wasn't so surprised because she doesn't have so many boundaries except for not wanting to do therapy via email.

We discussed my reaction to the buzzers and decided I felt alone and sad, not so much angry, and that we have to work, through EMDR, on changing how I feel. It relates to the past because I felt the same way when I couldn't talk. She wants to get it so I have a different reaction to the same stimulus. She also said she took some kind of course online about EMDR and attachment last week. It was about how to help clients with attachment issues. Next week she says I will hold the buzzers but will establish in my mind, a nurturing person, or people, from past and/or present. I can use her, and others. That's in conjunction with the EMDR. It sounds good to me.

When we started, I reminded her we were going to do breathing/meditation. She had forgotten and was glad I reminded her. That calmed me down.

She decided that she will answer 1 email just to say she read it, and to wish me a good week-end and say that she'll see me on Tuesday. She's okay with that, as long as it's not discussing my therapy. I'll see how that feels. I told her the connection is more important than what she writes.

About 10 minutes before we had to stop she asked how I felt. I wasn't sure, so SHE said "how about if I hold your hand?" I LOVE that she asked that. I said "yes" so she came over and sat next to me. I actually looked at her because I've felt like I don't know her lately. It was nice. I don't feel afraid of her at all.