but when i go home for the break i want to go my t and see if i can get some xanax. im thinking in my head that this way, whenever i feel like im going to burst, i can take a xanax instead of getting to the point where i feel like cutting. do you think if i ask her specifically for the xanax she'd think something was up? i don't/never have had any drug addicton problems, i just think this would be beneficial to me. she doesnt know i used to cut. thanks for the input, everyone!