Abby,

Do your parents know about the doctor visit, and that you went because of depression and that the doctor wasn't helpful? I know it's hard to talk to parents about it, but they will probably understand better than you think they will. Another thing you could do is talk to someone at school like a school counselor or school nurse. And write it down, or take your journal with you and ask them to read some of it.

Having good coping skills and being able to convince people that you are happy and fine when you don't feel that way can be a good thing because there are times when you need to be able to socialize even when you don't feel like it, and it's hard for people to want to be around you if you are acting depressed. But the other side of it is that having such good coping skills and convincing everyone that you are okay also keeps you from getting the help that you need. On one hand, sometimes it is a good idea to "fake it until you make it," and getting out and doing things will help you feel better. But maybe you need to stop acting sometimes and let your parents or someone see how you are really doing. I'm a little confused myself right now since I know you can cope and you can get by and never let anyone know that there is anything wrong, and through most of history that is just what we would have to do because there just wasn't time to stop and worry about our feelings. Even though depression is a real problem, dwelling on it makes it worse and getting out and living your life in spite of it makes it better. But we do have treatment available such as counseling and/or medication, and you should have access to treatment if you need it. The sooner you are able to work through it, the more chance you have for a better life. You shouldn't have to wait for it to get bad before getting help.

It's your choice of course, and your life, but I still would advise you not to give up on getting help just because of one doctor who was insensitive. It isn't easy to talk about, and it's even harder when people don't listen to you, but the harder you try the sooner you will feel better. I hope that you will take care of yourself and not get into the bad habits that I did - those things may seem to help at the moment, but they only make it worse. Tell someone that you feel like hurting yourself and that you don't want to make the problem worse than it is, but that you need help to keep that from happening. If you get started with those bad habits it will be so much harder to stop several years down the road after it has become established behavior for you, than if you don't get started now.

You are always welcome to come here and talk.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>