maybe you can write a book. Was there anything in life you always wanted to do?? Honestly?
Your kids may be grown but they are not the only ones you could help.
There are alot of people who need help. Why not animals. Rather than take this path why dont you try to fix it? You feel worthless (its ok i understand) find something that makes you feel worthy. You feel selfish? (i understand, but its probably not true) find someone or something to give to.
Dont let go yet.
I was not joking about writing. You have a knack for it. Why not pour all this out into something that can help others?
You dislike how life is, change it, run, do what ever u want, your kids are grown, this is your time.
I understand how you feel, ive been there.
I am just trying to make u fight it a bit longer ok, because feelings come and they go, but your talking about giving up forever. Dont do it.
Sorry if this is totally unwelcome, i intend to help, sorry if i miss the mark.
Xx