I think you show great strength by telling him he can't come back unless he gets help. If the relationship is hard on you, i bet it's hard on the kids as well...good for...for choosing some health boundaries for both your children and yourself. it's true you can't really "make him" but have you considered maybe couples counseling? I mean i feel it's kinda..being a bit sneaky but..maybe if he feels like you want to work on the relationship...yourself and him it will be less discouraging then "you have a problem...". Just a thought...also..i want to commend you of seeking support, sometimes that's really difficult, but it shows some really healthy self care and that's really important in times of distress.