I'm so sorry you're very upset and I hope you're alright today. Looks like Rohag took care of you very well with all the helpful links. I'm going to give you some helpful advice.
1. Never make important decisions when you're in crisis - especially life changing or life ending ones.
2. Don't compare yourself/life to other people.
3. When you're having suicidal urges, remember to be patient and reach out for help from professionals.
4. Life won't always be this way - again more patience.
5. Don't try to tackle all of lifes challenges when you're upset.
6. Don't be so hard on yourself - pretend you're your own best friend...what would you do for someone in your postion?
I hope you're remember these points and reach out for help. Welcome to PC with a big warm HUG.