Hello there, I'm new to these forums. I'll introduce myself before I dive in.

My name is Dennis. I've recently hit a wall emotionally and thought it was depression given my mental/emotional/social behavior. However, I'm no doctor. So I thought I would ask the different forums to see if anyone can relate/has some advice

So here's the situation:
First off, I smoke a lot of pot. I know it can accelerate behavior disorders, but I smoke less than I did in college and this issue of mine was never a problem.

Anyways, it was about two years ago that this started. I moved back to my hometown from college and immediately I began to get irritated with the city and my friends. It just seemed like a lot less was happening and my friends were not willing to try out new things with me. Then i started getting irritated by my friend's actions. They would tell me I was wrong even if it was an opinion. A few of them backstabbed me b/c I was dating a girl unaware that my other friend liked her. I've since tried to step back and tell myself that I'm overreacting.

I was still managing through that in the background, but then my father's health issues came up. We were never really that close and in fact he has hit me a couple times (to this day he gets offended if I bring it up) during my adolescence. But now he wants to be all close and gets sad if I don't show enthusiasm for hanging out. He then whines and moans to my mother all day and night about me not loving him. It's not that I don't care for the guy, but what he's turn into isn't what I was raised to be. So sue me? Anyways, i feel terrible that my mother bares the blunt of it so now I'm trying to be more enthusiastic towards him just to ease the pressure off my moms. He's always been pretty emotionally demanding and quick to yell if we did the slightest thing "wrong". Honestly, my entire family yelled at me for stupid bull - my mom was the only exception). Then after one night of smoking, i had a little flare up with one of my siblings. It was at that point I realized that I was born to beat myself up even at the slightest "mistake" or "failure". I noticed I even preemptively turn myself submissive if I don't want to hinder others.

Then coupled with a few job opportunity rejections and college application rejections it got worse. Now I can't find joy or excitement in anything

All this has led to a more doormat, quiet Dennis. Almost unsure of who I am or what I believe in.

Anyone have any suggestions?

I know I just spilled my guts out something like BP, but I really want to find either an answer or method to get me out of the funk

Help please