Doctor changed my meds again yesterday, I'm back on zoloft again and already somewhat nauseas from it, but last time that subsided with time so i will hold out to see if it is of any benefit.

kvinneakt I have been thinking of taking some courses and possibly getting some assistance from a vocational rehabilitation program. Right now though I'm still having too much difficulty just getting through the day. And problems with concentration. There are times that I can read or do stuff but not predictable. That's one of my fears about the possibility of finding a new job, I an afraid of an inablitily to commit to regular hours, not just because of the depression but also the arthritis and colitis. for the last year or so at my job my boss was very understanding and i worked very irregular hours... sometimes would come in very early and often would leave early in the day, and also work at home to catch up on stuff i couldn't finish at the workplace. i would feel very uncomfortable taking such "liberties" with a new employer. I would love to find something that i could do on my own from home but because of the depression i have a very hard time thinking of something that i could do that would be worth something to others.

LMo thankyou for the reply. one thing about me is that i have always been very self sufficient. i've always considered that a positive character trait and really sort of my "philosophy of life" i think what i am regretful for now is that in the past, i always did things for myself (including helping others, i always did that because it made me feel like a positive member of society and a good friend) and i back up that philosophy with actions, often going on trips by myself or to movies or dining on my own or spending holidays alone. but for the most part i always felt like i had a lot of people around me even when i was alone. i think my "philosophy" made me a lot of trusting friends and i was often surrounded by loving people, lots of positive energy, lots of hugs, etc.

my biggest loss is taht i feel like in a quick turn i have completely lost all of that. lost both the contact with people on the occasions that i wanted it, and lost the ability to just be happy on my own. i would love the opportunity to just have people around to argue with. or family to complain about after a horrible get-together. i really can't stand not seeing anyone and not having a hug just once in a while. and although i really do believe it is unhealthy to go without hugs for so long, i am also angry with myself for suddenly becoming so "judgemental" of my friends and for imposing "expectations" on them as i never have before.

it feels like a very deep hole that i can't get out of. (as if that was a unique feeling for someone suffereing depression )

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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