My understanding of how dysfunctional relationships work is that we are generally not alone in our unproductive behavior patterns. First, we learn these behaviors in our families. Perhaps we learn to please parents who are drunks or abusers or too strict or ill and need our help. Then, we recreate these patterns in our employment and friendship lives.

It inconveniences these people when we try to change. While we are trying to make positive changes, they want us to remain the same -- still trying to please them, or take care of them, or a thumping board.

I have no specific psychological credentials to make such pronouncements -- it's just a result of 12-steps participation, my own counseling and reading and observations of life.